Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Useful

Because Captain Thurston has been on a tear about odd clothing since the mantyhose debate, I thought I would look into the world of strange clothing too.




I believe I have found something that is not only useful, but also rather chic, and it could come in quite handy for the everyday whore who expects the general public to pay for their contraception. Hi Sandra!

I say get it on and get it off!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Today

This day has been dedicated to blogging about a dick.

This is the dick.

What a dick, huh?

Welcome to the new terrorism via left wing nut balls.




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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Justice is an animal

We Are All George Zimmerman is an essay by Daniel Greenfield about the public tragedy of the Zimmerman/Martin case and I suggest that you read and understand each and every word of it.  I have nothing further to comment other than to say that Mr. Greenfield is right.  Damn right. A sample:
The beast that is doing its best to swallow up Zimmerman knows no facts or truths, it has no virtues, only goals. It cares nothing for what he did or did not do. Its only goal is to swallow him whole. It has eyes made of cameras, teeth made of guns, network cables for guts, a mind made of slogans and a nervous system that always needs stimulation. The beast may fail in its task, but it will let out a brief howl and move on to the next victim.

Friday, April 13, 2012

A sad day

Rest in peace, Flathead.

Unequal

The next time I hear some supposed "reverend" flapping his fat lips about equality I think I am going to be sick.

A grown man taking swings at a woman holding a child does not deserve my equality.  Get back to me in a few million years when you people catch up with modern, civilized man.


Friends

Been trying to breathe a little life back into The Big Feed where I used to post as you know who before you know who started stalking me around the internet and I had to develop a whole 'nother you know who to protect myself from the you know who who couldn't seem to leave the you know what behind even though the you know who and what repeatedly said she was leaving the you know what and who behind which included you know who and what.

Got that?

Why don't ya stop by for a visit?


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Screw Murphy

The rule of law in the construction industry is that if you are going to dig a hole, God is going to take a leak in it to punish your sins.





Never fails.

P-U

Like most human beings I am not particularly fond of insects although there are some species that don't seem to bother me like ladybugs or roly polies or skeeter eaters.

However, there is a small list of bugs that cause me distress so great that my demeanor changes instantly from the grown man not scared of shit that I am to a blithering 4-year old girl. Not afraid to admit it either.

The top of the list, as I have said before, is the demonic cockroach. Second on the list would be the 6-inch long "langosta" locust that appears once a year in Costa Rica. Third place is usually shared between large millipedes and scorpions.

Somewhere way down the list is the harmless but odd looking stink bug. They don't seem to offend me to any great extent as I see them often in the garden and they seem to be quite happy to get out of my way. On the other hand, when I am trying to determine why the cab of my truck has filled with a strange and very strong odor, best described as Play Doh mixed with cinnamon and a tinge of ammonia, and I notice a very large stink bug which has appeared on my leg then begins buzzing around my face as I'm driving 75 m.p.h.? Well, all bets are off and out comes the little girl.

The innocent bystander in the bank parking lot where I was finally able to stop must have found it disturbing to see a truck screech to a halt and a grown man barrel roll from the cab, waving his hands wildly while simultaneously and alternately cursing at the wind and whimpering like a beaten puppy.

The bug, on the other hand? Hell, nothing fazes a stink bug. He flew away harmlessly after ruining my afternoon, probably charging up his stink gland for another exciting encounter with a weak-kneed human being.






Friday, April 6, 2012

Simple and well put

A comment in regard to this article:

This is a simple matter of definitions. The left IS for 'diversity'. It's just that they define it differently. To them it means differences in appearance. They love presenting a photo of faculty made up of every color in the rainbow.
BUT, to them it never means diversity of THOUGHT.  That is 'intolerable'. Under the guise of tolerance, the left has systematically created an intolerance, and the thing that boggles the mind is that they're unaware of it. - mscgeek1

Just brilliant.

Sing song ching chong

This is why I have always loved Michelle Malkin.  She can skewer like nobody's mommasan.

I think what she is ultimately trying to say Marion, is, fuck you!

Painful irony

Yeah, I mean, she smashes your nuts so where do you go to have them fixed?

Well, Ball Hospital of course!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

A Joke

Two black guys walk into a dealership to get dem some service on dey Chrysler 300. . .

Turns out the car has mismatched VIN numbers so the dealership calls the police who verify the stolen car.  The cops lay in wait while the dealership calls the "client" to ask them to come back and, not surprisingly, the two turds return.  After it was all over with, the cops had in custody one felon, his brother, a stolen car, a gun, two ounces of powder cocaine, $21,000 in cash, and. . . .drumroll please. . . .

. . .a baby.

I listened to the whole thing on the police scanner a couple of weeks ago.  And to think that some people in this great nation believe that felons should have the right to vote.

I think we should push them off into a deep hole and cover them up with dogshit.  Felons don't deserve a gaddamn thing.  Especially those that willfully endanger children.





Hopeless

No matter how much hope you hold out for black voters, they continually disappoint time after time after time.

They do it here in Jackson when they re-elect City Council blowhard Kenneth Stokes, they do it on a national level with Bennie Thompson, it was done across America with Barack Obama and now, for, I don't know, the third of fourth time the voters of the District of Columbia do not disappoint.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce DC Councilman primary winner and ex-two-time-Mayor and qualified crack-head and ex-convict Marion Barry.

There is no hope left for these racist idiots.  They get exactly what they deserve.

Barry unleashed, if you can stomach it.

Government attacks

Do you remember the Martians from the modern version of Mars Attacks?

Ack-ack-ack-ack!

Winning

Much has been made about the old feud between Sarah Palin and Katie Couric.  Ex-Governor Palin recently hosted one of the morning programs on a national network which pitted her against Queen Perky Tits on another program.  Turned out to be a ratings blowout for Palin.

I couldn't care either way but I would like to compare and contrast the two women in a way which clearly shows the great cultural divide between honest, God-fearing Conservatism and the debauchery of Liberalism.


Conservatism


 Liberalism


For Heaven's sake

Please make it stop!

In November, when people pull the lever for this dope, I pray the voting machine instantly electrocutes them to death. Or at least a big, ridiculous looking clown hand pops out to bitch slap them one good time.

Thank you white guilt for four years of incredible stupidity.  Couldn't have done it without you.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Dum fuk

Where does this entitlement mentality come from?

I mean, I can remember as a child feeling entitled to every toy, widget and gadget I ever laid eyes on, especially if it belonged to my older brother, but then. . .I grew up.  And I learned (via my loving parents) that nothing in life was free and that some things had to be paid for, you had to earn to receive.

Some years ago I remember getting a phone call at home that began with the blaring of a ship's horn and the sound of waves, lapping upon a shore perhaps, gulls shrieking in the background as if to imply a sunny, foreign port of call.  Then a man's voice proudly congratulating me that I have just won a "frrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" vacation!!!!

I had nothing better to do and I went with it.  I let the guy ramble on for fifteen minutes about my "frrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee" vacation and I gave him my necessary personal information to sign up and all was well with my 'frrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee" vacation until I was asked for a credit card number so I could be charged a "nominal processing fee."  About a hundred bucks if I recall properly.  I politely inquired why I was being asked to pay for my "frrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee" vacation if it was in fact "frreeeeeeeee" and he assured me that the vacation was indeed free.  I assured him that if I were paying any money for something that I was told to be "frrreeeeeeeee" then there was no way, no how that it could possibly be "frreeeeeeeeee!"  This back and forth went on for a bit until I grew tired of my quarry and I finalized our transaction by stating that he could take his "frreeeeeeeeeeee" vacation and stick it up his "fffuuuuuuuuuucking assssssshooooooole!"


Anyway, I said all that to say this:  if these dubious dipshits don't have any sense that allows them to understand the basic principle that nothing in life is free then I absolutely fear for the future of this country.  And another thing, considering that education is controlled by another class of entitled people (i.e., unionized teachers) then good luck on getting any blood out of that long shriveled turnip.



Wigglin' and jigglin'

I think it is time we all take a few deep breaths and relax from the constant influx of bad news and remember one important thing. . .


Leonardo DiCaprio is a douchebag.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Smacked!

Moral of the story:  Be Prepared.

Curious Happenings

Usually during the night I rise from the bed at least twice.  Sometimes it is to get something to drink, but more often it is because of pesky cats stomping on my head at 3:30 a.m.  I don't mind it so much, well maybe I do, but they've trained me well and I seem not to bother with anger.

Usually I get up to let Wildcat out or sometimes to let him in if he is already outside.  Last night, I put him out at 1:30 and I woke at three-something when Shadow was making laps up and down my body.  I got out of bed, opened the door on the porch, called for Wildcat who usually pops right up from his rocking chair perch, but he did not appear.  Strange I thought, and I shuffled back to bed.

I woke again at 5 a.m. and lumbered to the door, called for Wildcat and still he did not appear.  Hmmm.  I looked at his favorite sleeping chair in the house and there he was, curled up, but watching his stupefied daddy standing dumfounded in total state of confusion.  "I don't recall letting you in," I said to Wildcat.  He just stared.  Probably wondering if I was going to get out the milk or a can of tuna.

Anyway, I turned to begin my morning routine when I realize that the coffeemaker was on.  Well, that's odd. Very infrequently do I prepare the coffee pot to make the coffee on its own.  More often than not I am pouring out the remainder of yesterday's brew and starting a fresh pot at 5 a.m.  But here was yesterday's coffee, nice and warm and ready for a cup just like Dad used to do it.

Dad rarely ever drank fresh coffee.  He would make a full pot and spend the next day or two drinking it semi-warm or cold.  He'd hit the "on" button on the second day just to freshen it up a bit and sometimes the pot would last three days or even longer.  Yes, he was a strange character.

It has been almost a year since Dad passed on and joined the great Ole Miss Pep Rally in the sky, so I guess he decided to pay a visit last night.  I can't explain how the cat got in or the coffee pot got turned on other than to say "Have a cup Dad, sit down a stay a while."



Like totally righteous powder man!

Even your worst day at work can't be as bad as this.

Black Eyed

So who watches the watchers?

And the coup de grace from this article?  Swallow with pride folks, he is your doing:

Jack Lew, the White House chief of staff and former director of the Office of Management and Budget, said President Barack Obama was "outraged" by the reported spending, according to Federal News Radio. 

Yeah, I bet you were, chickendick. A hundred grand here or there is child's play compared to what you're doing on a regular basis.  

He's got the Midas touch, that is, after Midas scratched his dirty butthole a few times.  Everything around this guy turns to shit sooner or later.

Heaven help us.  We can't afford another four years of this fool.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Seriously dude

I hope during the first day of office for the new president he writes a letter to England asking for the bust of Churchill to be returned.

Obama apparently cannot help himself.

Results

I don't know if this is true or not (I have my doubts), but this and things similar are what happen when you don't fight to win.

Untie our hands and let us fight, or bring every soldier home and never return.

Music Break

Neko Case and her honky tonk sweetness.


Love knowledge

Well, I learned something new today.

 Have you?

Scabrous

And I am generally disgusted by the politics, idiocy, and the sheer magnitude of the stupidity of my president.

Is it November yet?


Very intriguing

and if true?

Who knows what may happen in Hollywood?

Careless?

Careless????

You ARE a fucking idiot.

Anyone who posts a porn tape on the internet for fame publicity and money is a whore.

The man is right, but, he should amend his statement by calling you a "fucking whore idiot."

Happy hunting!

When this dude said, "Heads are gonna roll," you better listen up!

Why even incarcerate people like this?  The round end of a ball peen to the base of the skull is much much more economical.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fed up

You shut your fucking trap and your legs, hoochie.  Your time is up and nobody owes you a fucking thing.

And you people need to end this bullshit.

It's been a long time, but I guarantee that the masses won't show up with just pitchforks and torches this time.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Wants

I need this.  Not sure why, but I need this.

Free!

You know, since it is being argued in the court of public opinion that contraception for women should be paid for via the hard-working taxpayers, then I think I, and other men, are entitled to our own contraceptive medication:  Jagermeister.

Yes indeed.  When I drink Jagermeister my dick ceases all normal function and I am generally out of commish for the next 12 hours or so.  Please make taxpayers cough up Jagermeister subsidies, it is in the public's best interest I assure you.

Thank you and have a nice day.



Silly goose

Wildcat is always up to something foolish.



KKKlass

More simple proof that Liberalism is a mental disorder.

Tragic Story

Windsor Ruins - Claiborne County, Mississippi




BRTTNEE

No, that's not a misspelling.

It is the personalized license plate of the latest in-bred, brain-damaged, Copiah County inhabitant who tried to murder me on the interstate this morning.  Dear BRTTNEE, I suppose, couldn't find time enough at home to finish getting ready and through her higher critical thinking skills thought it was a grand idea to put makeup on her face while driving 80 m.p.h. down the road.  Compact in one hand, powdered pad in the other, vanity mirror down in front of her face, neck craning to get a good look at what is probably a fair sized, but lopsided headbone.  All of this while tailgaiting, weaving, not maintaining her lane, lurching out in front of other sleepy and unsuspecting motorists.

I have some advice for you BRTTNEE, if you don't have the goddamn sense to get up a little earlier to get to wherever it is you go in the morning, then move close to your final destination.  Either that, or leave the face paint off until you get to where you need to be in such a damned hurry.  Attempting to murder your fellow motorists via your complete idiocy is unacceptable and you are lucky that we no longer live by the lawlessness of the Wild West.  You'd have been long since strung up a tree for being a menace to society.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Don't forget

That whole Voter ID bullshit is totally racist, you honkey motherfuckers.





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Well dang

Sometimes not knowing is better.

But still. . .

ding ding ding

Your fifteen minutes are up, honey.

Now go find something productive to do in your free time. 

Washing your hair would be a great start.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Rulez

There are "rules of engagement" and then there is "I'm fucking tired of this shit, call in the B-1B."

More action like this and we'd be out of Afghanistan in no time.


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Just awful

Rest in peace.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Shortening list

Well, add London to the long list of places I'll never go, as free speech there is dead as ol' Henry IV's dick.

Are we living in a police state now?  Thank you, you motherfucking Muslim, ass-raping, goat-humping, clit-chopping assholes.  Thanks a bunch there!  Rot in hell you fuckers!


Unknown

I don't know who this actor is, but he has clearly certified himself as a first-class douchebag.

Hhmmmmpppphh

Anyone who votes for this idiot next time around should be shackled, strung up, slathered in Miracle Whip, and have let loose upon them a crazed, beastly menagerie of intoxicated aardvarks.

So much for that transparency he was always harping about.

Seems the powers that be in La Casa Blanca have a bit to hide, don't you agree?

Monday, February 27, 2012

Convoluted

But your tax dollars hard at work.

Click through each article about the appearance and disappearance and reappearance of information concerning government grants to an unethical turd.

Has the time come to disappear the EPA?  Me thinks so.

Only in AmeriKKKa

Only a dim-witted, poorly-spoken, angry derelict of a human being would believe in such foolish economics.  What's worse is the large majority of people just like him believe this bullshit to be the truth.

Yes indeed America,  there are large majorities of stupid, worthless and lazy people that shiftlessly amble through life with a confounding ignorance that allows them to believe that more people on food stamps is good for the economy.

I don't know what is worse:  them or the people who foist these illogical lies upon them.




Down is up

Only in today's world would this traitorous, cock-sucking punk be nominated for anything, much less the Nobel Peace Prize.  But, after it was awarded to Obama, any credibility the Nobel nomination committee had is long since gone.

Oh, and I forgot about Arafat!  We all remember how peaceful that shithead was, right?


Friday, February 24, 2012

Very cool

and very sad at the same time.

Irony

so sticky sweet, you'll need a gallon of hot axolotl piss to wash it down with.

God, I love our politicians.

Color me green

and call me watermelonhead.

I am so unsurprised by this that I could probably startle myself better by jumping at my own reflection in a mirror.

Music executive, huh?  Yeah, that'd be my choice for an ambassadorship too.

Inept Inept.  Inept.

And not surprisingly, people still intend to vote for the idiot doofus.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Pussy

I mean really, dude.

I guess this doofus is too stupid to realize that converting to Islam doesn't make one some kind of religious tri-athlete (claims he was raised in a Jewish/Christian household), it makes you a Muslim.  And being a Muslin means that you foresake all other religions because Islam is the only true religion.  Also, it is a religion that worships death, subjugates women and marginalizes everything and anything that is deemed "un-Islamic."

Piss on you and your elitist whining. . .we are sick of people like you who are born into wealth and seek to undermine all things American and Christian.  Maybe you and Sean Penn should hook up and spread your wealth to some foreign hellhole where human rights area an afterthought.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Chapter 1

She stood in front of the mirror looking at herself.  Her narrow fingers pulled on her long, dark, curled hair as she examined carefully the straight line of her jaw that rounded into a perfect chin with a small perfect dimple. Something bothered her about the curious shading underneath her jawline cast in a sick green/black void from the fluorescent lights in the garage.  But she didn't know what it was.  It was just there and her mind couldn't be forced to think much beyond that.

She always hated her jaw because it reminded her of Mother.  Mother was a bitch.  A tall, mean, good-looking, forceful bitch. A ten-megaton bitch of royal bitch lineage passed down at least fourteen bitch generations with a bitchcraft so refined that it could be taught in liberal colleges for two thousand dollars a semester credit. And the young, un-liberated, Patchouli oiled, freshmen teen girls would line up around the block for a chance to learn.

A brief, crooked smile flashed across her face as she imagined a throbbing mass of cackling, innocent girls relentlessly clubbing one another in front of the student union as they fought for placement in the class, but then she caught glimpse of the red crescent across her blouse.  She looked at her hands speckled with drips of red and the floor behind her where she saw him and a spreading pool of blood.

Contemptuously she whispered, "How do you feel now, Sporto?"

His body lay sprawled across the garage floor, pants around his knees, his prior bulge underneath the leopard-print Perry Ellis bikinis gone.  One arm was stretched out and above his head, tied off by a scarf to a workbench laden with various tools and implements.  His other arm lay free, his hand blood stained and crooked.  His eyes were empty, sunken slightly and his hair still remarkably coiffed considering the struggle.  A small tool, a screwdriver perhaps, protruded from his neck and although she was certain he was long dead it seemed the blood still coursed from his wound by a weak heartbeat.  Maybe she was imagining that, a nearly imperceptible pumping.

She focused on herself in the mirror again.  Goddamn she was pretty.  Painful beauty. The kind that felt to a man like a swift kick in the gut.  Her features were sharp with high cheek bones, a slightly upturned and narrow nose, pale blue green eyes awash in tiny flecks of gold, and long, flowing black hair with big curls.  A traffic-stopping beauty.  She turned her head left and admired the rosy mark from when his other hand got loose, but as a child she had been hit harder by her brother and knocked into the previous month by her dad. She was tough and this won't bruise she thought.  Even if it did, a little dab of concealer here and there would cover it.

She turned to him, "Now what do we do with you, Sporto?"

She walked across the room gracefully and sat with proper posture on a small stool, the kind mechanics use that have a tool company name or some hip, hypnotic design on the seat pad .  She wished it was Hello Kitty.  She crossed her legs and sat at attention tamping down the seething anger that her original plan had been thwarted by her lack of mastery of knot tying.  She really wanted to cut his manhood off but that fact did not take away from her ultimate goal of killing the sonofabitch.  She was glad he was dead even though he didn't die by her "approved method" of slow painful death by unexpected cock removal.  She guessed a screwdriver to the jugular was just as good even though the shock factor to him was muted.

"I really wanted to cut your dick off, Sporto," she hissed.

 Then she saw the gasoline. . .


............





Losted the lost losses

I wouldn't want to take away from the sweat equity of the average American automobile worker, but shouldn't the priority be to pay off the taxpayer first, then bonus out your employees?  I mean, after all, every taxpayer in America sacrificed (as Obama likes to champion) a little money here and there to save the entire company.  And with the government still owning a large chunk of the GM pie, you would think that upper management would be interested in getting Uncle Sam out of their back pocket.  Stranger things happen though.

On another note, in a moment of deep thought and clarity the other day whilst I was perusing the non-fat yogurt selection in Kroger I thunked that maybe Barack Obama and his legions of economic advisors are onto something by doling out billions and billions of loans to these solar companies that are going belly up faster that Nicaraguan hookers at a Moose Lodge convention in Managua.  Maybe, just maybe, they need billions, possibly trillions of dollars to just fucking vanish into the black hole of bad business model economics to control inflation.  It's just a thought and I have no further data to back it up.

These are just the kinds of things I think of while purchasing low-fat yogurt.  Sue me.  I'm weird.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Only in Texas

When I come across stories like this I always hold out hope for a smoking hot six foot blonde with blue eyes and a giant set of, uh, brains.....brains....brainz.  But then an acute sense of irony sets in and I realize that my fantasy is nearly impossible simply because more than half of America is plain fucking stupid and 95% of them are gibbons walking backwards ugly.


Anyway, they don't call it "Nuts" County, Texas for nothing.


Sigh.  Oh well.  There's always this convict chick for a palate cleanser.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Execute this!

Mohammed was a bi-sexual child predator.  Go fuck you, go fuck him, go fuck all you ass-backward 7th century heathens.  You can take your false outrage over all things offensive to Islam and shove it up a camel's pussy.

Until you people stop sawing off people's limbs, keeping women in bondage, raping children, destroying your own history, and stop the indiscriminate bombing of innocent civilians worldwide, you and your beloved pedophile Mohammed can kiss my lily-white ballsack!




Friday, February 10, 2012

Forgot

Did I mention that we have a new cat?




Her name is Shadow and she's a doll, except when she is relentlessly trying to let your blood for you.

Other than that minor drawback, she's become a nice little addition to our cat family which had been whittled down to the lone Wildcat.








He's been a lonely little guy since the sad departure of Bobcat some months ago.  But Nature has a way of making balance where there isn't and Wildcat has finally met his match.  A match made in Kitty Heaven.




The Thing

This motherfucking heinous contraption of plastic and more plastic should be a crime against humanity.  This was a free gift to us when we upgraded our large output main office copier three years ago.  And since day one, since the day this machine first saw light outside of the box it was shipped in, it has not worked correctly.  For three years, I've put up with craptastic smudgy copies, strange vibrating and clunking noises, paper jams at every pivot point, and every other error, kink, uh oh, and oopsie daisy that a copier can do.  If the tech guy can't make this thing work properly next week, then they will take it back and if they can't do either of those, I'm going to take it home a disassemble it with a .44 magnum.



Ricoh sucks dick.  Free Ricoh sucks monkey dicks.

We are so last

the we even come in behind the last of all lasts.

First, it was our governor, and why he did this is anyone's best guess.

But then we have this dickweed with my apologies to all previous dickweeds.

We should just call it the Fatback River and the Gulf of Bacon.

Whatever.

This is what I think:




Thursday, February 9, 2012

Agreed

A comment by Backwards Boy on the capitulationof the Liberal Left on drone use and the still open Gitmo:

Conveniently missing from this is the Geneva Conventions and their outlines for the treatment of non-uniformed, illegal combatants, which is what all of the Gitmo detainees are, IINM. These illegal enemy combatants do not have the rights of a POW and may be executed at any time.

I find it curious that the bleeding heart, anti-war lefties who are so insistent upon the US adopting International Law routinely ignore that little tidbit.

If Bush'd had any balls, he'd have executed every one of the Gitmo detainees to show our enemies how they'd be dealt with if they took up arms against us. If he'd done that, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have to be groped in our own airports or treated as a threat to national security by our own damnedgovernment.


This times 10000000000000.



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Friday, February 3, 2012

Point taken

Below is the first comment I read in relation to this article.  Some folks are just brilliant:

If you sat in your back yard with a high powered rifle and a scope. And, your crazy azz neighbor sat in his back yard yelling he was going to "wipe you off the face of the earth". You call ther police and they talk to your neighbor but, next day, he's back at it. You call the police and they keep threatening to arrest your neighbor but he claims he isn't doing anything wrong. What would you do? Then, one day, you saw he had a high powered rifle, with a scope but it was all in pieces. Now what would you do? Every day he sat in his back yard telling the whole neighborhood he was going to wipe you off the face of the Earth and, each day he got a little closer to getting that rifle together. How long would you wait to take him out? Until he had the rifle all together? Until he loaded it? Until he pointed it at you? Until he pulled the trigger? 


Comment by wozerd

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Character

As you may have noticed around here, I don't do movie reviews.  And this is kinda sorta because a) I don't get paid for it and b) go fuck yourself.  Furthermore, and I quote Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry character in Magnum Force, c) "A good man always has to know his limitations."

However today I make exception and step outside the boundaries of things I am good at like cooking, shooting guns, growing tomatoes, and drinking Heineken with Jagermeister shooters until I am blind, mumbling and passing out in the flower bed near the front porch.

Last night I watched the movie Drive which stars Ryan Gosling as a quiet, introspective and haunted stunt driver, mechanic and moonlighting driver for nefarious criminals and their illegal activities.  Now, before I go any further, I will state for the record that I have never seen a Ryan Gosling movie that I was aware of until I saw The Ides of March last week.  In Ides, Gosling plays a pricktastic campaign manager for a presidential candidate who gets caught up in, well, politics.  Politics of the dirty, back-stabbing, don't trust a single motherfucking soul variety.  In the end, I didn't know whether to hate the fucker or feel sorry for him, but nevertheless I felt I had seen a brilliantly crafted character due to Gosling's superb acting.

In Drive, much more of the same spectacular acting, but this time instead of a self-absorbed arrogant turd, Gosling portrays a quiet and difficult to define unnamed character who hides behind a stone front while hiding from an unknown past.  As the movie progresses and his love relationship blossoms, one can't help but feel the "hero" side of this dark knight and the viewer could almost throw aside the character's bleak shortcomings in hopes that what is seen in him then is the true man.  But all of this is viciously put to rest during a non-violent exchange with a prior client of his where the cracked and sinister alter ego of Gosling's character freezes the moment with cold unambiguous evil.  It is then, in that brief moment of clarity, where his true nature is revealed and it is unnerving.  The viewer's conflict has begun.

Oddly and unexpectedly, the movie dialogue is sparse, generalized, and much of the character development is a canvas left largely unpainted with direct and obvious plot works and relies more upon mood and the subtle psychological nature of simple human interaction.  A slight raise of the brow or glance from one character to another or an angled shot of holding hands was enough to convey volumes of story, backstory and plot.  I found this to be a nice diversion from another tough guy slinging zippy one-liners in a fast car type flick of high action, low skill and no drama.

Not to say that the movie did not excite, because it did and in some scenes very much so.  At times I was tense, nervous, utterly disgusted, and hopeful.  Emotions ran the gamut and were quick to turn as the story progressed to the movie's end where I felt myself pulled in so many directions emotionally that I found it difficult to sleep.  Infrequently, I come across something, whether it is a music album or a movie or a moment of time captured in a photograph that reaches down and gently masticates on those tender parts of the soul, heart or mind which in turn releases a wash of crisp feelings and thoughts not often considered.  I guess if this happened every day it would make artful creations such as this movie seem mundane, ordinary and vacuous.  I believe they call it being "special."

I won't give away any plot details or spoil anything for those of you that haven't seen it.  I'll just say that this movie is not for everyone and many people will find the lack of dialogue to be boring and uninteresting, but that is where I find the glory.  The movie allows you to paint your own picture instead of the movie trying to dictate the character to you tediously and thereby muddling the purity of their true nature.

And as an added bonus, although she only has 10 minutes of screen time, this movie also features the scorching and sultry Christina Hendricks, which had I known this beforehand, I would have banished the better-half to some unnecessary shoe shopping so I could enjoy the film alone.  And lubricated in clarified butter.



And here is one of the most spectacular car maneuvers I have ever seen, which happens at the end of this chase scene.  A reverse 270 degree J-turn at speed with three braking actions and burnout powerslide through the finish.  Fucking expert I tell you.


Last train

Don Cornelius dead.

Helluva way to start black history month. Rest in peace soul brother.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Last Train

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

You lie!

I guess Rep. Joe Wilson was right the last time 'round.

Even the AP is calling Obama a liar.  In so many words of course. . .they would never call him liar outright, because as we've all learned here lately. . .anything said about the president is racist.  And even though we aren't the only racists around here, we still be racist yo.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I'll take mine

Scattered, smothered and covered with a sheet.

What do you expect from a class of people that thinks wearing a pair of pants hanging somewhere in the vicinity of the kneecaps is "cool?"


About a quart low of Earl

Good luck with this strategy, douchebags.


????

Quite possibly the dumbest question ever asked.

Like it needs an explanation.

Remember the meme

Supporting voter ID legislation is exactly the same as suppressing the votes of minorities via poll tax.  It is racist.  And in case you forgot, it is racist.  Racist racist racist.

Voter ID laws are racist and are not about protecting the integrity of the voting process.

You got that?  Racist?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Nuts!

And just when you think the government cannot possibly reach even further into our lives, business and lifestyle. . .they do.

Psst!  Hey Mac, you got any walnuts, cuz I'm hurtin' bad!

The lunacy continues. . .

Bingo!

Boehner nails it.

Brains

This is why Ace gets millions of unique hits a month.  Only he can write something so perfect.

He gets millions of hits, I get ten. 

But I say motherfucker a lot more often, so there.

Scum confirmed

There has never been much to hide the fact that Jesse Jackson is a piece of shit, but this only adds to the validity of that truth.

Pay up sucka!

Recalculating

There is an old military saying that says, "You know you're over the target when you feel the flak."

In today's world, that phrase is often used when discussing hot button political or other sensitive issues.  The first time someone goes apeshit, you know you are right on target.

Recalculating. . . .

I like the logic of commenter Justin:

If aliens came down and intercepted this software, before they even introduced themselves to humans, they would merely have a map of geographical areas with high crime rates without ever knowing the race or ethnic origin of the neighborhoods. For you to stand on MLK Blvd and protest such software proves that you are cognizant of the fact that Black neighborhoods are high crime neighborhoods…. Stop race baiting and actually do something about it for a change… No one wants this situation with low income neighborhoods… Not white, yellow, brown, and especially any self respecting black man. This sort of divisiveness only serves to prolong the problem.

Sigh

I'll paraphrase one of the comments from this article I just read in which a commenter stated, "There must be some good crack in the White House.

Seriously Barack?  Seriously?

With an economic worldview such as this, its no wonder this country is flat broke, loaded with debt and bumbling aimlessly into certain obliteration.  It is almost like we are approaching the event horizon of a black hole and time has been slowed by gravity and warped into a loop with the same thing flashing in front of us again and again and again.


Don't worry chaps

Don't be afraid of your government.  Be VERY FUCKING AFRAID of your governement.







Rise up

Might be time to dust off the old pitchfork and head to Washington.  What the fuck is wrong with our government?

Hands off the people's money!

Outrage!

I think the headline should be "Psychotic Race Zombies Attack Free-Market Enterprising People with Jobs Who Not Surprisingly are Probably Paying the Welfare Checks of the Aforementioned Zombies"

Fucking idiots.

Go riot at KFC motherfuckers.  They were open too.

Not to worry

Don't worry folks, even though our Preisdent, his Attorney General and Obama's senior advisor Valerie Jarrett are busy stirring the bubbling black pot of racial animosity in different and various venues (like a church), we really have nothing to worry about at our unsecured southern border with Mexico.

Except a few severed heads. . .on our side of the border.

Nah, nothing to fret over because we have much larger problems like a "do-nothing Congress" and "obstructionist Republicans" and "just outright fucking racists" in our midst.

The problem is, if Obama and his people looked in the mirror every now and then, they'd be surprised that the real racists are themselves.

And another racist.  And another.  And another.  They're everywhere!





Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

Those fucking ATMs!

Obama the Blamemaster has an excuse for everything. But mostly, he likes to blame job losses on ATMs.

I guess it never occurred to him that it just might be his over-reaching mandates and economic policies.

Metric

Haines explains: "I had just gotten back from Coachella, and I walked into the studio and noticed on the bulletin board that Joules had written 'spider vs bat,' i think he had been obsessively watching all these National Geographic animals-fighting-each-other-videos in his hotel room. For me, that phrase triggered an entire narrative that was about a gladiator-style enormo-dome where everything turns in on itself, with every form of aggression on display for spectators: monster trucks ramming into each other, bull fighting, sweaty men wrestling. And then you have these animals completely disconnected from the logic of their natural habitat, so you have a swan pecking the shit out of an elephant and pigs biting the necks out of tigers, and bats attacking spiders. And then in the seats, the spectators are kicking the shit out of each other too. There's this completely blurred line between spectator and participant, and we're all trapped in this fucked up Noah's Ark. The images came to me all at once, and I wrote the lyrics on the spot." 


Floppy

Some people are stupid.





And some people are idiotic.





And some people are stupid idiots with a big ol' set of jugs.




Meghan? I have donuts. Would you like some donuts?

Nickname: Shit

It's bad enough when you are named John Johnson or Robert Roberts or some such shit.

But this shit, well, it's just the shit!


Ba-ha-ha-ha

Just something to get your Monday started off correctly.