Friday, October 28, 2011

Unreal

Hairy Scary


An approriate news story prior to Halloween.

Zip asks, “I wonder what kind of animal lives in there?”


......which reminds me of the old George Carlin cheer:

Rat shit,
Bat shit,
dirty old twat,
sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot,
hooray,
lizard shit,
fuck!


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Winning commentary of the day

Relating to this story. The irony and hypocrisy is simply delicious and not much unlike a salad of roasted beets and sheep's-milk cheese.

MWR says:

Dear OWS,
Please enjoy the moochers, leeches, vagrants, wastrels, and ne’er-do-wells as they stream into your encampment uninvited, commit crime and incite mayhem, complain about being asked to do anything in exchange for food and shelter, and beginning accusing you of hating homeless people, ex-cons and the mentally unstable because you’re not willing to simply give things away to people who don’t necessarily support your worldview and are just looking for a free ride.
Welcome to your own personal welfare state. You’ve no one to blame but yourselves.
Sincerely,
MWR



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Down twinkles

This whole occupy bullshit is getting to me. First, the direct comparisons of the Tea Party movement to this idiocy is utterly absurd and patently false. No rapes, sexual assaults, vandalism or unwanted foot sniffing at any Tea Party gatherings that I or any other rational human being is aware of. Secondly, a coherent list of reasonable demands has yet to materialize from this festering brain trust of neo-liberalism. For God's sake, they can't even agree upon appropriate drumming protocol! Thirdly, this group of supposedly enlightened individuals who want everyone to feel included have decided that is it necessary to label and divide groups within the encampments for one reason or another. Hey, what about middle-aged, lisping, college professors of Proto-Grecian Philosophy who enjoy rubbing one out while dressed in hard rubber and viewing nature films on primate homosexuality? He's a people too ya know!

Fuck these morons.

I have a new hand sign for them. When I am asked, "Hey Gilmour, what do you think about these wonderful protests against.....blah, blah, blah. . ."

I reply by pursing my lips and sticking my tongue out a little and expelling air through that apparatus, which makes a wholly inappropriate but wonderfully low, slow, and wet farting noise while I stroke my invisible schlong in the universal sign of not giving a fuck about any of this silly bullshit.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, October 24, 2011

Quote

"The old man beat him to a protoplasm bag of fiction." -- Gary Busey on World's Dumbest Criminals


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Buggers!

That's just like a couple of fucking gnomes.....hiding in the background until they spring forward to suck the blood from your ankle.




Deviant little bastards.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Hay kitty

I lived on a considerable piece of property. Many acres of grass and forest and water for which to enjoy the natural beauty of nature.




My cats enjoy nature too. They like to chase bugs and birds and persecute one another on a whim and frankly, they don't know how lucky they are. I'm lucky, they are lucky.




Nature shows itself in other ways too. My cats have never used a litter box in their lives because they have 70-someodd acres on which to do their business and strangely, or maybe not so strangely, I hardly ever see them out there doing the doo as they say.

This however does not mean that I can't find the only pile of cat shit on 70 acres to step in, because I can.



Fucking nature!

A study of inanimate stuff #8





1.21 gigawatts!!!


Monday, October 17, 2011

Bang bang ur ded

I have a lot of people ask me why I carry a Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum as my choice weapon for personal protection. Many would exclaim that it is too large or unweildy, quite impractical or simply just too much gun for that type of thing. Nay young fools, there are many reasons exactly why you SHOULD carry this weapon.

If faced with a potentially violent situation and one has to reluctantly produce this fine weapon of cool black Scandium alloy and stainless steel then it is likely that your perpetrator will instantly shit in his drawers (see photo above for reference).  And if this doesn't persuade the hoodlum to vacate your personal space and you actually have to fire the weapon at said criminal, I am not even convinced that you have to actually hit the perp with a shot for it to be effective.

Ideally, if you hit him, he's dead.  A large protion of him will be removed resulting in a very bloody mess.

However, if you miss, one of three things might happen:

1) the sound might deafen him permanently which will be just desserts for jacking with you in the first place;

2) the shockwave might knock him down giving you enough time to escape or fire a second shot;

3) you can melt his face with the five foot flame that erupts from the barrel.

I think I like #3 the best.



So bring it on 99%'ers! Us gun-loving, God-fearing conservative types are waiting for you to send our country spiraling into anarchy.  That's what you want, right? 

You know, we might not mind it too much either. . .

Friday, October 14, 2011

Image

My dad always said something to me about being only as good as the people I associated with and generally this well-worn speech would coincide with some faulty decision-making on my part.  For example, like the time I was picked up by the cops about 3 in the morning carrying a large diving knife and hanging with two dudes three or four years older.  Looking back I just wanted to be "cool" like them when merely I was just their pawn, the little guy that would do whatever they asked of me.  They led I followed.

The same can be said of adults and people of power and influence.  Exhibit 1A.


I don't know if this is scary, stupid or what. I guess in light of all that has been said and done lately, nothing should surprise me any longer.

And as a side note to the parable above, remind me to tell you about the time the two older guy had me perched in the window of some girl's bedroom trying to wake her and having a stand-off with the family dog. Brainz, brainz, brainz.

Knowing better

I know myself well enough to understand that by watching this video would have an end result of really souring what it actually a pretty good day. What I did not expect though, was that I would actually feel part of my brain dying in a quick and painful fashion.

These supposedly "enlightened" people have a scale of ignorance that is unimaginably large, especially when one of their own speaks a little truth to them.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

99%

Big Brain Campbell has some words for the 99ers:


and as he stated in his email, he's not "too ashamed to hide behind a notebook pad."

His words unedited:

I grew up on a family farm where you were expected to work for the food on your table. I got my first paying job making minimum wage when I was fourteen years old and I thought I was rich. I worked my way through college and got a master’s degree. It is not in Global Management…………………or Creative Writing. My first job out of college I was “underemployed” but I didn’t know it. In fact, I didn’t know that was even a term. I had student loans and paid them off early. I married a great person and we have three wonderful kids who know what individual responsibility is. I did not save enough for college for them so I have taken out student loans, of which I will pay off. I make more money than I thought I ever would, but that doesn’t put me in the top 1 %, or the top 10 % for that matter. We spend less money than we make. We own five vehicles and all of them were paid for with cash. The newest one is a 2004 model. My wife drives a 1996 model because there is nothing wrong with it. Other than the college loans, we will be debt free in less than three years (including my house). I work hard every day because that is what it takes. If I get fired tomorrow I will have a job by the end of the week, even if it is delivering pizzas. On the days I designate not to work, I play hard, too. I eat whatever ice cream is on sale. I do not own anything that Apple (one of the largest corporations in the world) markets. I do not have a tattoo and my hair is it’s natural color. People who hire other people (of which I am one of) like that. It’s called image. For those of you who are protesting about jobs, the United States Armed Services are hiring every day. I am not gloating, I am one of the 99 % (or one of the 50 % that pays taxes).

Dangerous

Jackson called for full government employment of the 15 million unemployed and said that Obama should “declare a national emergency” and take “extra-constitutional” action “administratively” — without the approval of Congress — to tackle unemployment.

Out of the mouths of babes sometimes leaks the truth.

Thanks Jesse Junior, you obviously come from the loins of your father, however, your utter ignorance outclasses dad by a country mile.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

What?

Piter De Vries: It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Us v. Them

There is a famous line from the movie Oh Brother Where Art Thou in which Homer Stokes questions the masses by saying in fine Mississippi parlance, "Is you is, or is you ain't, my constituency?"

Well, is you?

Or ain't you?

Moooove it

It's not only in the Arabian Peninsula kids.  They want it HERE too.

And some of your elected officials walk alongside these creeps today.  Congratulations America, you have reached the bitter end.  Please do not forget your towel.


Count me out

99% my stinking, hairy asshole.

If these people represent the overwhelming majority of the United States, then we are surely screwed like a donkey at a Saudi Arabian sheik's camel beauty contest.  So prepare people. Since America has instantly become 99% liberal, prepare for scenes like this at your next VFW parade, because you know it's a helluva lot easier to ask naked people to tote a towel to sit on in public places instead of asking same said people to put their fucking clothes on when they go out in public just like the 99% of the rest of the planet does!

And if hypocritical turds like these two flimsy dopes decide to stand with the 99%, then why not hand over the $300+ million dollars to the masses that you got for your cutesy ice cream brand from the big bad evil corporation named Unilever?  Yeah, I didn't think so you filthy fucks.

The next time I'm in Walgreen's and I spy one of your overpriced, but oh-so-hippiefied pints of ice cream named Cherry Bo-Berry Gary Is a Scary Fairy in the freezer section, I'm going to open it, eat half of it, shit in it and put the lid back on, but not before applying in unwashable marker it's new name which will be "Eat My Turd."  This makes much more sense than any of those vague pop culture references your marketing department came up with.  Truth in advertising!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Have you seen any of this

....at a Tea Party rally?  Or any other conservative gathering for that matter?

I think not.

I was just thinking that those who scream the loudest are usually the problem.

I've seen a ship of fools before

....but one sailing in a Sea of idiots is a whole 'nother spectacle.

And then this, this morning, in my email:

Glimour -

The Occupy Wall Street protest is a watershed moment. For weeks, protesters have been camped out in Liberty Square near Wall Street. They are marching during the day and sleeping on the street at night, facing arrest and police violence. They are gaining media attention, inspiring thousands more to join them every day in New York and in cities across the country -- and they are giving a voice to the American working class that has been attacked [attacked??? lolwtf??? - ed.] by big corporations and their allies in Congress.

The Occupy Wall Street protesters are standing up for us -- because of that, thousands of people across the country have joined together to send them food to keep them going. These donations have worked. They've kept the occupation strong. But it's October in New York City and getting colder each day. Protesters are now in immediate need of 200 sleeping bags to keep warm and keep the occupation going. Donate $20 here to buy a sleeping bag to keep the occupation going in the cold.

 Working together, we can build a movement to take back our country from corporate greed.

In solidarity, - Gregg

Gregg Ross, Political Campaign Manager Democracy for America

Ummm, yeah, no. As a matter of fact, a big fat, fucking, stinky fart, doo doo in your eyeball kinda no.

These lousy cretins don't deserve one red fucking penny from me or anyone else that works for a living because they have decided to shirk off real life to go camp out with hordes of other stinking, dirty hippies with no iota of how the real world works.

Fuck you Gregg, you three g's in a name putz gurgler, and fuck these morons who have decided on their own will to sleep out in the fucking cold. Hey hippies, here are the job postings for New York City. Get a job, then you can get your own fucking sleeping bag.