I'd only like to add that I've never seen a bug-hugger activist and somehow I feel the trees would have more rights than bugs. And if we are going this far, why not give rights to things like oxygen or Monet watercolors or jelly-filled donuts with those dumb sprinkles on top. And since I mentioned donuts, what about yeasts? Those are living organisms that are constantly abused, being made to work long hours in bread doughs and alcoholic beverages farting out carbon dioxide only to be roasted in a hot oven or sent to an untimely death in the bowels of some drunkened fatso in a filthy bar in Milwaukee.
Speaking of watercolors, what about that painting hanging over your grandmother's mantle showing a pastoral scene of rural barns and dairy cows. The pigments of those paints are harvested from minerals directly ripped from the womb of Mother Earth for heaven's sake! And all you do is sit there and loathe the peach colored sunrise and the muddy brown brush strokes of the cattle, you callous piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Mexican mufflers, those should have rights too. Might as well toss in some quarks and black holes, string theory and the event horizon. And that nasty toe jam you dig out from underneath your big toenail. There is bound to be some living shit in that funk just screaming at the top of its stinky little lungs, "help me before he flicks me into the carpet where I'll be slowly consumed by dust mites, bite by microscopical bite!" And down in the forest of army green shag carpet there is a dust mite saying to his wife, Damnit Ermaline, toe cheese again! Call that idiot attorney cousin of mine, it's time to sue! This is outrageous!"
In the famous words of Buford T. Justice, "What in the hell is the world coming to?" and "What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law."
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