Wolf Blitzer, a puss-faced, mono-toned, word reader on CNN, told me yesterday that the nutty preacher down in Florida who has been threatening to burn a Koran for months, finally did it. En fuego!!
And why did he do it? I have a couple of theories:
1) Why the fuck not and who cares?
Or
2) Baby Jesus spoke to him from the depths of his morning prune juice instructing him to do so;
Or
3) The man is crazier than a bag full of rattlesnakes at a snake charmer church revival.
Regardless of his motive, it does raise an interesting point regarding our rights as American citizens concerning free speech and religious freedom. Didn't our court rule once that flag burning was protected "speech" under the laws and rights given to us by the Constitution? Well, in that case, book burning is protected as well and no manner or intensity of Muslim hissy fit will change that. This is why our country dominates the world and 4th century Islamic states couldn't find their way out of a paper bag even if the open end was marked with a chain gang of child brides and the winner of last years camel beauty contest humping a gallon jar of picked pig lips. I sense seething.
As tasteless and intolerant it may be to burn the religious word of another, we in America accept this because this is our God given right of free will. This loon down in Florida didn't hurt anyone by his act and in fact, he may have further exposed the hypocrisy of Muslim knuckle-draggers around the world.
Enter Pakistan. Or as our current Playing-a-round-of-golf-fiddler-in-chief might say, Pokeman. Stan. PakeestAn. Parakeetistan. Whatevs, Duff McDufferton!
Noonan! Noo-nan! Noooo-NAN!
Anyway, Pakistan, that glorious and highly advanced society which has contributed to the world such positively wonderful things like. . .uh. . .um. . .uh. . .ahh.....
So Pakistan, in the aftermath of Pastor Honkey McCracker burning the Islamic war manual, has lodged a complaint with that fine body of moderation, tolerance and clear-thinking known as the United Nations. The article I read about this stated, "Pakistan believes that civilised people and societies must resist and oppose any tendency towards extremism of any kind," said Pakistan's Permanent Representative Ambassador Abdullah Hussain Haroon.
I can sum this up quite simply by penning my own letter. Please hold while I try that extension. . .
Dear Pakistan,
Fuck you in your hairy Swat Valley with a burning Koran!
Sincerely,
The rest of the world
Let's examine some current examples of Pakistani tolerance:
Just two days ago: Islamic maniacs gunned down two Christians outside of a church. The Christians' crimes? Asking the Islamic pigs to turn down the tunes and lay off the bitches, yo!
March 1, 2011: Apparently somewhere in the Koran it says that educating little girls is real bad. So bad in fact, Islamic pigs are required to ride by on motorcycles and toss ham sandwiches through the windows while school is in session. Did I say ham sandwiches? I'm sorry, I meant HAND GRENADES!
March 12, 2011: Speaking of tasty things to eat, Veena Malik, a delicious Pakistani actress, is in trouble with Team Taliban because as actresses are sometimes required to do when acting, she touched a man. That in and of itself is probably punishable by some insane form of discipline (nipple clamps?), but she not only touched a man, she touched an Indian man! Oh, the Islamic horror! Punishment? She has to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes, one after the other. No, I'm kidding. They want to kill her. And her family. And the family dog. And the mailman that delivers the mail to them. And the guy who invented stamps just for good measure. Surely he was an infidel too.
So, with all of that proof of Pakistani tolerance (just a couple days worth, there is more) it is imperative that we honor and revere the great book of war, violence and intolerance known as the Koran just as they do with the things and people they dont agree with. Let's fuck it up, burn it, shoot it with a gun, blast it with a rocket, firebomb it from a motorcycle!! TOTAL MAYHEM! Just. Like. Pakistan. World Center of Tolerance.
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