Gobble this

Here's a Thanksgiving recipe for you.  It's easy as scratching your dirty butthole and contaminating 300 pounds of cole slaw.

Get some fennel, slice that shit into slices.  That's why they call it slicing  While you are fucking that up, peel a couple of apples.  Or don't peel them.  Peeling them only produces larger turds.  Put those sliced slices with the other sliced slices and slop some over-priced, nasty-ass-tasting, extra-virgin olive oil on those sliced slices.  Jigger in some apple cider vinegar and some lemon juice.  Don't forget to keep the lemon seeds out, wouldn't want to knock Granny's bridge out of her pie-hole.

Mix that shit around a little like you know what the fuck you are doing.  In the meantime, kick your old lady in the shin and tell that hooch to chop you up some tarragon.  Berate her constantly and tell her how stupid she is during the process because you'll be too drunk to fuck after this day is over anyway.

Add the tarragon to your completely fucked up bowl of sliced slices and have your 7 year old nephew stir it with his filthy doo doo hands.  Add some salt and pepper and maybe a dab of honey if it's a bit loud.

Optional items might include unwashed sliced celery slices.  Red onion slices sliced up into slices.  And maybe some knobs of gorgonzola cheese, which for those who forget or don't like to think of these kinds of things, is actually rotten milk fermented with fungi and cow gut juice and is festering with blue-green bacteria.

Let it sit for a little while, then serve.  And sit back, relax, slam some tequila, and relish in the fact that you have created a masterpiece of culinary genius and that several hours from now, everyone one you hate in your family with be shitting volcanic lava from their butts.  Happy Thanksgiving!